I learned at a young age that I was an introvert. At family gatherings, I would sit in a corner and only speak if my parents were beside me. I would get anxious going to school, afraid I would be put into classes with people I didn’t know. In 8th grade, when I joined BBYO, I was terrified of the crowd of 200 unknown teens standing before me.

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As two years flew by, I opened up, meeting new people, running for the board, and becoming more and more a part of this organization. But, it wasn’t until this year that I finally felt like I found who I am in the Order and as a Jewish person.

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I started this year as my chapter’s S’ganit. Being in my second term, I knew more of what I was doing and was better adapted for the position. What I didn’t realize going into this year, however, was how much of a struggle I would have on board. I felt burnt out and anxious as the days got closer to events. I knew how much we’d fallen behind, not having nearly as many events as we’d had before, and that was partially at my hands.

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It reached a point where I nearly quit BBYO.

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This organization, one which I have spent three years pouring all of my heart and soul into, became one which I felt troubled whenever someone brought up the name. While I had met my best friends, had the best memories, and become a person I never thought I would ever be, the introvert I once was started crawling back. It felt like all of the progress I had made since I joined had begun to recede. I did my job with the bare minimum, but as the term ended, I didn't give up. I only pushed myself further.

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I ran for chapter N’siah and won. Now, being the face of my chapter, I knew I would have to change. I started pushing myself back into BBYO, little by little, and my love for the organization came back. I felt less pressure to be involved. I stepped back and focused on things in BBYO other than just leadership. I looked to Judaism.
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Judaism saved me in BBYO and brought me to who I am today. I realized BBYO isn’t just about the friends you make or the leadership roles you take on. It's also about what you get out of this organization and how you choose to see yourself in it. I wasn't always at the front of the room, but I chose to always stand with the crowd, together as one, forever united.